Dee Bender

By: Ms. Dee Bender

Once upon a time there was a single mother to four beautifully clever and amazing children. She was a mother that truly believed her children were indeed her greatest blessings. As such, this woman realized at about 30 years of age that she must have done something terribly right in her life to have the joy of sharing her life with these astounding future adults. With this idea, she began the journey of loving herself as much as, if not more so, than those four little people.

Some may "feel" this ideas was selfish, however before she could love her children as much as they deserved to be loved, she KNEW she had to experience that kind of love from within, putting herself and her needs first. She recalls telling her youngest daughter before a scheduled long run, "I have to be number one, otherwise I'm not any good for any of you.  However, you four gorgeous creatures are definitely my number 1 A." This must have been good enough for her youngest child, as she never asked again. Her children KNEW she loved them more than life itself, they were part of her journey.

Hiya, I'm Dee. As I think I mentioned above, I'm a single mother to four of the most spectacular human beings ever! Yuppers, it's true, these four little people - Samantha 17, Damon 15, Logan 14, and Danielle 9 are my reason for being here today. Not only were they sent to me to bless my life, my choices, and my future actions - they were given to me as a sign to never give up hope. You see I was over 300 lbs by the age of 30. I had lost myself respect and self worth. Remarkably this story does have a happy ending....

I want to be as brief as possible about my journey. Why? Well, because I learned from my journey, realized my mistakes and I am moving forward attempting to become the woman I KNOW I was intended to be:) Through education myself about obesity, I began to heal myself from within. Once I could look at myself naked in the the mirror and NOT cry uncontrollably, I KNEW I was on my way. How? Well, I ate less, began exercising at a lock 'n key gym (so that no one could witness me exercising), and read a lot about why I'd chosen to do what I did to myself. Guess what? I made a choice. Once we make choices, truly make an informed decision there's no turning back, at least there never has been for me. My best friend recently pointed out how once I set my mind to something I don't give up. Some could refer to this as stubborn, I feel I'm simply determined:)

Along with my changed eating habits (who knew you couldn't eat a whole bag of cookies at one time, sheesh...), incorporated exercise into my daily routine, and sought therapy. I took courses pertaining to fitness. I obtained my Fitness Instructors Certification, Personal Trainers Certification, and took a course on Nutrition and Wellness. This education gave me the solid foundation I needed to make that difference I KNEW I could.

I began teaching a variety of fitness classes: low impact aerobics, step aerobics, weight training, the stability ball, kickboxing, etc.....I learned to LOVE to sweat. The elliptical was one of my greatest joys, as I would work out on this machine for 90 minutes at a time, sweating profusely, smiling enthusiastically, feeling as I'd accomplished something big. You see I'm driven by setting goals. I've never been in a hurry for my weight to come off, I choose to believe I'm going to be around for a long while, and thus there isn't a rush to lose a set amount of weight at a set date or time. I work hard each day, I often mess up, and right after I mess up I get back on again. The key you see my friends, is this, come closer if you really want to know, the key to living  a fulfilled, joyfilled, meaningful life is MODERATION!

I moderate how often I eat chocolate and ice cream (oh my, I'm drooling). I moderate how oftern I run each day. I moderate how much time I spend at work. I moderate how often I have along time compared to how often I'm with others. It's really very simple, life is about enjoying EVERYTHING it has to offer, in moderation:)

So, back to this new "goal" I thought of setting. The one physical activity I disliked, no I hated, was running. Heck, I think I disliked runners, why on earth would anyone torture themselves like that? Apparently not sane people that's for sure. I mean, running? It's REALLY hard. That was it, a light went off inside my melon, an idea appreared so brilliantly in fact I was driven to begin "running" that VERY day. I did run a little, between catching my breath, feeling as though I was certain I'd die, but I didn't. After one week, I knew this little monster - running - wasn't going to become a reality much longer if I didn't set my sights higher. I then went online that day, found the Joints in Motion website and applied to do a marathon in Ireland, scheduled nine months away. I was now committed to this "goal", dangit what was I thinking huh?

After I lost the first 100 pounds, I felt stronger, more capable of achieving my goals, and this lead to my mental successes when running/participating in the Joints in Motion Marathon.

I fell in love with nature. Unlike I'd even seen her revealed to me before. I found inner strength I never thought I really possessed. I ran with others, encouraging them. I ran with more experienced runners. They encouraged me. When I was upset, I put on my running shoes and off I went, letting the open road take care of whatever it was that needed working out in my life. I began a new life trail, taking a job outside my home, commuting to Regina daily. Then the summer of 2004, I didn't feel so great a lot of the time. I was tired, run down, exhausted - mentally, physically, and emotionally. My body mended, my mind fought to get stronger, and my emotional status sustained itself.

Before I went to Ireland I was in the hospital with a lung infection, I was put on steroids - gained weight - had a puffer, antibiotics, and really had no idea if I could in fact pull this off. Regardless of what was going on I used a quote I still use to this very day, "Do or Do not. There is no try", Yoda from Star Wars :) And I did! I ran a marathon.

I ran in honour of my Mom, and my Grandmother. My Mom, Bev Bender has Osteoarthritis in her feet, hands and back. The pain she endurs is often unbearable. My Mom is the type of woman who doesn't ask people to do for her, she does for herself. I admire her for her strength, her courage and her wisdom. My Grandmother, Pat Sawchuk, is definitely a determined woman. She is a mother to four grown children, 8 adult grandchildren, and 10 great-grandchildren. She suffers from Rheumatoid Arthritis in her hands and feet. She finds it very painful and extremely dibiliating. Normal everyday chores are put on hold. Life stops until the pain is manageable. No one said life is fair; however everyone deserves quality of their life, to live their lives fully...maybe even one day, without pain. I dedicated this run to them both.

During the marathon I had hooked up with another woman from Saskatchewan, we ran side by side the entire 42 kms. In the beginning she told me to go on ahead, she didn't feel as though she could make it. I made it crystal clear I wasn't going anywhere, that a marathon was what we were accomplishing, she was far more important to me than a "run". She spoke some touching words to me, she had prayed the night before for an angel. An angel that would help her through this marathon, she confided in me that I was her angel, I would help her finish this challenge. We did. A bit on the slow side, but we darn well did it! What's neat to experience about such a long, long , long, did I mention LONG, run - is that you actually can't believe your legs are still moving at one point, then you want your legs to stop, then you want God to take you NOW - to stop prolonging this satanic feat that you chose to inflict unpon yourself, and then you come to a heavenly conclusion - I'm too damn tough to kill!

I made it happen. I didn't make excuses. I didn't sit around and whine. I knew what had to be done and IDID IT for me and my heroes! I thanked my children for such an accomplishment - for without their support and understanding I never would have even "tried". The support from family and friends astounded me, I really was worth the effort. The effort I put into accomplishing my goal to run a marathon was worthy of me.

Since last October my weight has fluctuated up and down quite a bit. However, I'm happy and pleased to tell you all that I've lost another 50 lbs (over 200lbs in total). I don't need to be model thin, or waif like. I'm Me. I'm vulumptious, funny, kind, clever, healthy, sexy, enthusiastic, helpful, creative, etc...I'm happy!

A special thank you to Barb Burnett for asking me to share my story with others. Through tears, realization, and sore fingers, Barb - thank you!

Psssst, I will do ONE more marathon this lifetime, just to say, "I DID IT!"  NEVER Give up. Winners don't quit, they may detour once in a while - stop for a moment or two - they just don't quit.                   

With Enthusiasm,

Ms, Dee Bender

P.S. How was it, running a marathon people often ask. Well, I've explained that raising teenagers and my experience participating in a marathon, are very similar. They're both equally torturing and extremely rewarding, of course!

This page was last reviewed/updated on : 12/27/2007